september 6 2005
i feel like i just spent 8 days having a mixture of estrogen, adrenaline, and caffeine injected into me.we, um, well, i could easily have been pregnant. i got a blood test today & i’m not.
despite the fact that we have no money and are really not ready for a baby, i was pretty upset that we aren’t going to have one. it was a crazy roller coaster that i didn’t want to share here until i knew for sure that i wasn’t. i love the LJ thing, but i couldn’t bear to tell my keyboard before my best friend, my mother-in-law, etc… we had another meeting with our nutritionist friend & a lot of it was more like spiritual advising, which was so much what i needed. i’m determined to make my not-pregnancy be a motivator so that i can find a good job & get in shape so we can try to conceive. it’s so weird, but nothing- not grad school, not sleeping a full night, not free time & yummy rum drinks, not my coffee habit- means as much to me as having a baby. my soul & mind are just there. after the meeting we went to the open air market downtown & drowned blissfully in the scent of fresh peaches. we filled up the kitchen with bright colored healthy food, and i found a great job opening. oh! and i actually found a veggie burger the carnivorous love of my life thinks is tasty:)i look like a needle junkie where i bruised, but at least my stomach isn’t rolling & knotted from the stress & my mind isn’t boggled by illogical obsessive baby-wanting. i’m still sad, but i feel good about things. my studio is clean enough to work in too. so it’s all good. i’m not 30 yet, it’s not like my proverbial clock is ticking that loud. i’m tired; i’ll stop & go read.
From personal journal:
it’s wonderful, the timing. in the autumn, when the air smells so full of change it seems like nothing will ever be the same again.
this year, it is true.
and our anniversary is today, the end of a week that began with finding out i’m pregnant. Bu is more excited and adorable than i expected.
a tiny gemini-to-be
so i kept putting on posting this, because i’m feeling weird about announcing it to everyone. it occurs to me, though that the only person i know in real life on LJ already knows (& was adorably full of squee.)
i’m pregnant, but only a little.
by that i mean i’m very early, haven’t had a doctor’s visit or anything. i mean a nurse/midwife visit. i’m very, very happy about this, and Bu is flying high too (though not literally- we cancelled our skydiving plans, heh.) it’s pretty surreal, & hasn’t sunken in yet. i’m due in may.
that’ll be all for now, but goddess knows i’ll probably drive you all crazy with baby babble. for example, today she is small as a grain of rice. (& no, i won’t freak out if we have a boy. my friend, who is due in a month, is being a very sweetly big-sisterly, thinks i’ll freak out, since i really want a girl. but it’ll be fine if Emsy is a William:)