Monthly Archives: December 2006

happy moon day

Seven moons. Wow. My little piglet’s growing up so fast. I can’t believe how fast May became December. We had a loooong night last night. The Boue had gas and a stuffy nose, so she refused to lie down for more than a short while. I took her downstairs to the rocking chair, wrapped us up in a blanket tight so if I dosed she’d be secure, and rocked her back to sleep. Then I’d try to put her into Ye Magickal Swinge For Desp’rate Motheres and she’d start bawling gaain. Repeated this three or so times, and when I finally got her to sleep for real, I lay down with us still in a mommybaby burrito and we slept with her on my chest like when she was a cranky newborn. It was nice, that whole one hour of good sleep we got before the alarm clock sounded.

La piglet must have had gas because she ate an entire container of squash, and some mashed potatoes Mamaw snuck her. She won’t eat good for me. Nor will she allow a bottle or sippy if the nummins are even a slight possibility. (Daddy only has limited sucess with the sippy.) Mama = boobage, and that’s final, apparently. Um, at some point she will allow me to give her food and water, right?

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nightmares real and imagined

Too much tragedy on my mind, I guess: The girl who was the secretary before me at the clinic called us Wednesday to tell us her fiance had been killed in a work accident. He had been in Iraq for over a year and was home for a few months and died of electrocution working on power lines. I’m so sad for my friend and her son, who called her fiance “Daddy.” I’m so frustrated for her also, because of the timing. If they’d been married she would have recieved some financial benefits and have fewer money worries on top of her grief.

I’ve been following the story of the Kim family, too, maybe for longer than most of us East-Coasters. So many of my blog-friends are on the West coast and they mentioned the missing father this week. I just hurt for that family. Such a new baby, and she and her big sister so suddenly without their father. I can’t even pretend to imagine the loss their mother feels.

The worries turned into a nightmare. The baby was playing with Shane on a trailor hitch flatbed thing, and I reached for her because I saw she was lying on the edge. She fell then, into a steep creek embankment filled with rocks and very shallow water. It was a slow motion, sickening thing, watching her fall. I started to dive headfirst after her, then realized I’d kill myself. I ran down the embankment and found her at the bottom. She was breathing, but there were shards of rock stuck into her head. I was afraid to move her but almost did, then I worried her neck was broken so I just held her and told her “Keep breathing, baby, stay with me, stay with me.” The realism of these dreams is awful. A few nights ago, I dreamt she was diagnosed with a heart defect and was going to die. Each time, I woke up with the beginnings of a tension headache and had to get up, check on the baby, and drink a glass of water and some pain reliever. I wonder if my subconscious has trouble when she sleeps in her crib. I haven’t had any nightmares when she sleeps with us.

I’d like to cosleep full time, I think, but there are problems. I always put her in her crib at first, anyway, because she goes to bed around 8, and I need to have some awake grown-up time. Also, Shane’s not a fan of keeping Molly in our bed after infancy, and it’s so hard to get her used to sleeping alone if she gets used to it now. The half-crib, half-cosleeping arrangement we have now is working fine for now. She wakes at 4 or 5 a.m. to nurse, and then sleeps with us the rest of the morning. I guess as she starts sleeping longer at night it’ll evolve into her staying in her room. (If she ever sleeps longer than that. Not that I’m complaining, I’m all too aware that many babies nurse all night long.) I’ll miss her though.

I guess it’s the nightmare, but I’m being totally clingy. She’s had more kisses today than I can count. Snuggle time has been pretty much an all day thing. I just can’t let go of that warm tiny body that’s so fragile and light. She still feels so baby-ish and little- comparing her to a couple of babies of friends who were chunky monkeys at six months. I love my dainty Little Bit.

Will I ever stop being so anxious and frightened of losing her? If I don’t chill sometime soon, I am so not going to be the groovy laid back Mama I want to be. Or maybe I will- I told Shane I’ll be the worrier until puberty and then he can take over. I’m totally comfy dealing with sex and drugs and the fun teen rebellion things, but he’s so not. He’s already joking about being the typical backwoods WV dad sittin’ on the porch with a shotgun to meet her dates. Laugh now with me- I’ll be crying about it later when he really tries to pull some redneck macho bullshit.

slingin’ goodness, molly speaks, and the quest for velvet

I finally found a position Molly likes with our DIY baby sling, which in a former incarnation was a longish shawl I bought at the thrift store and wore to my bridal shower. I tried it when she was newborn in a pouch-like cradled position and she didn’t like it much. The other evening I used it differently. It’s just tied with one big knot in a circle, and I put it over one shoulder, then slip Molly in straddling the fabric, then I open it up to cup her bottom and twist and open it to cup my shoulder. I’ll post a photo sometime soon.

We went to an art reception and this woman said, "Wow, it’s so nice to see you’re slinging your baby. Is that a Such and Such wrap or a such and such?" I said it was a shawl I found second hand that I improvised and she was delighted. Turns out she’s a La Leche League leader and does demos of babywearing and makes slings. She offered to help me fine-tune our new-found sling ability and I’ll probably attend the LLL meeting this week. I was just thrilled to meet her on top of all my hippiemama pride at finally wearing her on our great night out.

We had such a fantastic weekend of girliness. Friday, before the art show, we met at Jen’s house with a bunch of friends I haven’t seen in a while. Molly got oodles of attention. She was playing in the floor when she decided to look at me an nonchalantly say, "Mmm. Mom. Mama."! I know it’ll be even more incredible when she knows I am her Mama and she’s labelling me, but my Goddess it was beautiful just to hear her tiny Molly voice say that wonderful wordlet.

Today we went to the mall with her Mamaw in the continuing quest for the all important Christmas (ahem, Solstice) outfit. We went everywhere and found that either 1) they had an adorable dress that we loved but none were smaller than 18 months, 2) they had nothing but cheesy red junk with candy canes and teddy bears, or 3) they had dresses I could live with but wasn’t thrilled with. We decided to head out to The Hellmouth (big shopping center of discount stores and Evil, Vile traffic. Cool anagram there, yes?) but on our way out we realized we’d forgotten Macy’s. We found a clearance rack, and started looking through, and then clouds parted and a choir of angels (for Mamaw) and faeries (for me) started singing and we found The Dress. It’s a deep green, velvet with cream satin trim and little pearls and a flower with dangly ribbons. It has a velvet stretchy headband (which I usually hate, but I have been possessed by girliness) and l’il bloomers. It’s freakin’ adorable. I really, really wanted green velvet. I am a happy mama. Oh, there will be photos, lots and lots of photos.

bear with me, oh loyal peeps

I’m attempting to revamp the [former] loveliness that is [was] my blog. It may be wonky for a while. I promis, new improved loveliness will return soon.

But, look! ——-> Organization.

Swell, huh?