melancholia & the secret

I feel so wistful and sad. I’m not sure why. The weirdly fragile mood set in before I read this and then this, so these beautiful loving posts aren’t exactly the reason I feel tears in my throat.

It was hard sleeping in late with Bu & Boue and then having to face the fact that the roads had cleared and I had no excuse to avoid work any longer. I nearly teared up while microwaving watery hot cocoa in the cold back office, thinking of them snuggled up in bed warm and cozy. (I later found out they were actually napping then, like I imagined.)

I’m bummed and pissed at myself for not staying up late to make Bu a Valentine card, thus breaking a five-would-be-six year tradition of arty Heidi Valentines. They usually feature an actual human heart image because a) they are cooler than fake-heart-shapes, b) the vampire loving former goth girl adores the idea of giving Bu a bloody organ image for a gift, and c) I love anatomical imagery. I get creative chakra orgasms watching the opening credits for House or looking at old Vitruvius etchings.

But, can I be excused because I don’t think he got me anything this year either and we are new parents and broke? We have a gift certificate to a new local organic restaurant we usually can’t afford, but we elected to stay in. The weather’s ick, and we want to be with the Mollybird. So my task is to stop at the grocery store, pick out something for dinner, buy wine or not, and get a movie. I feel the opposite of creative. I’m pissy because I feel like pasta primavera and Bu doesn’t like it. We have opposing tastes in food. Hmm. No, now I want sake and sushi takeout, but that’s too spendy. Fuck.

We got our The Secret DVD’s. I was put off by the production- so drama queeny cheesily overdone. The message is cool, though. I’m so down with the Law of Attraction. It’s a principle of Wicca flavored magic. Bu likes it except for a couple of the lecturers/Teachers/cult leaders. He felt motivated, so I think we can work some positive mojo into our lives. i fell asleep before gleaning any knowledge of how to implement the ideas, so I’ll give it another open-minded go.

Happy Valentine’s Day if, like me, you find it a good excuse to make gory cards, drink wine & eat chocolate off of with your loved one(s.)

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