Monthly Archives: March 2007

the pretty

Busha Full of Grace posted 12 things she finds aesthetically pleasing. I loved this idea, so I decided to post my twelve 16. Then, being me, I decided to make a grid of images. Then, being me, and having the other computer crash, [the one with the program I need to work-work] I decided to get artsy with my grid.
Because what do graphic designers do in their spare time to get work out of their headspace? They do graphic design. Of course. So…
  1. Daisies
  2. Sushi: yummy and lovely.
  3. Crazy Quilts. Comfy, but no annoying country cutesy patterning.
  4. Bangs
  5. Girls with glasses
  6. Pregnant bellies
  7. Graffiti
  8. Ivy on a stone wall, brick house, or tree
  9. Bare feet. Extra much if ringed toes are involved.*
  10. Good typography
  11. The combination of orange and turquoise
  12. Nakey babies
  13. Bindis
  14. River stones
  15. Red wine. Bonus points for gothy elegant goblet.
  16. Forsythia
This blog is starting to serve as a digital visual journal. It’s a good outlet because a) there are no paints, toxic markers, or gluesticks to clean up if Molly would summon me, and b) I can’t even find the better part of my art supplies under the boxes of clothes the Bird has grown out of/not yet grown into.

I love you, Stock Exchange.

*My wedding ring fit again about 6 weeks after M’s birth. My toe ring, however, still won’t go back on. The spiteful, evil thing. Plus, I had to give up the ghost and toss half of my shoes after about 7 months when I realized these boats feet are never going to be the same.

Oh, and Hi, Crazy Hip Mamas Carnival visitors. Step right up! See the amazing attractions. Get motion sick from the mood swings.

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songs for mom

This lyric caught my breath in my throat and stuck there and brought tears: “And could I die in my mother’s arms?

I thought my heart would stop for a minute. It seemed like the most poignant wish in the world, to die in the arms of the one who gave you life. That hit me simultaneously with the fact that I can’t make the same wish, and that instead the reverse happened. Of course, a daughter should outlive her mother. Of course. She shouldn’t lose her just as she’s figuring out how to be a woman instead of a girl, though. (Of course, I’m so grateful to have had her as long as I did. I can’t imagine losing her as a young child. The timing just seems cruel to me. I was right on the verge of things I should have shared with her- my wedding, pregnancy, baby. So unfair Molly doesn’t get her so, so groovy grandma. She should have had her here.)

Mother as a wordconceptrole was a mythically important thing in the abstract- Goddess- to me before I lost my mom, but after her death that word is so loaded with powerful yearning and absence vacuum-dense. In fragile moods, hearing “mama” with the right inflection can tear me wide open. Beth Hart’s song Mama does that. It’s so hard, because we discovered her together. We heard LA Song on the radio and went to this local record shop that was one of the hippie Meccas here in the 70’s and asked John, the tall lanky guy we used before Google to find any artist we came across. He ordered Screamin’ for my Supper for us. This was in the past couple if years before she died. That stuff is the worst, more painful than childhood memories. Remembering things that we shared when I was an adult make it seem like her death happened/happens right now, and it’s double grieving. She was my best friend. And my mama. It kills. My heart and stomach are in knots.

No more typing through tears. Should I have pulled out my paper journal? I don’t even know where it is. Too self conscuious and freaked out right now. Just hit publish and wipe off my face. Drink some water and go back to work. Call grandies & ask after the baby = good medicine. Refocus “mother” on me.

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more Heidi Etiquette

I waxed rantsome in my comments, and don’t have a nifty “Recent Conversations” widget on le blog, so I’m just reposting it:

Bine wrote:
waaaah! i just wrote a long comment, clicked preview, it looked fine, and when i clicked publish, it just disappeared! sigh … okay, once more:sounds like you should apologize to your boobies for the scolding you gave them earlier this week.but glad to hear it’s “only” teething, though this can be a bother, too, i think it’s better than a bad cold in such a little one. most of my friends’ babies teethed quite easily and developed only a slight fever while their molars broke through. i hope you won’t go through this for every single tooth molly gets.

and glad to hear you got some “away time”, too, i can’t imagine anyone not needing that from time to time.ehm …

and now to the awkwardness … i hope this question doesn’t annoy you, but do you have to shake with your left hand if someone offers you their right? i only know the one picture of you you entered for thordoras olympics, but i think it looks like you could shake with your right, too. i, personally, would have gone for the hug, because i like to hug and you look like a pretty “huggable” person*, but people who are reluctant to embrace might want to make a point of not being “afraid” to touch it (i know some people are, oddly enough, like a bodily infirmity is contagious, or something).don’t you want people to touch baby elephant? or do you assume they don’t want to? or is it just more awkward and uncomfortable for you?i’m really curious about it, i hope you don’t mind.*i’m one of those, too. i prefer a hug to a handshake with people i like, but there also seems to be something about me that makes people want to hug me. a friend of mine who experiences the same, suffered a lot during breastfeeding, because every time someone gave her a hug, her breasts leaked …bine

I wrote:
Oh, Bine, I HATE when that happens with a comment. Let me know if it happens again, and I’ll put the smackdown on HaloScan. Dirty bastadz.I meant to add that option in my Handshake 101 tirade. Once or twice maybe someone has reached and grabbed that arm to shake it, and just, ew. First of all, I never offer it, so they are like right up IN my aura grabbing a body part, so fuck no that’s not cool. Secondly, due to people’s general awkwardness or my own or whatever, people usually don’t touch that arm. Because of that, when it is touched it feels really intimate and I’m hyper aware of it. Bu and my one other longterm boyfriend are really the only lovers who would casually touch it, and often little kids will. My employer’s little girl is obsessed- it’s so amazingly tender and sweet. She’ll sit with me and stroke it lovingly. She also likes to floor me with cuteness by doing things like walking in when I’m using my little arm to work a paper cutter and saying “Heidi! I like your arm!”Kids are funny. Once in a while they’re scared- which I totally get. What little one hasn’t been unsettled by a stroke victim’s pulled features or the painful look of an amputee? …Totally normal the fear of the new. Most of them are fine after we speak, and they’re assured it doesn’t hurt. Lots of kids think it’s really groovy. There was a younger neighbor kidlet who said it looked like a hot dog, and he called me hot dog. My nephew, of babywearing fame, thought it was so wicked. I can twist the two fingers together and it looks awesomely freaky, so that was his favorite So I went off here, huh? I’ll post it in the main blog I think.heidi

PS. That’s hilarious about your friend’s boob-leakage. Sucky but really funny.

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a breastfeeding victory in WV

Some friends of mine did a lot of work to make this happen. I sent a few emails:/ But we have a (watered down) version of the bill being signed Monday.

From the WV Breastfeeding Yahoo group:

Just got word from Governor Manchin’s office that he will be signing SB 148, the breastfeeding-related bill, this coming Monday, April 2 at 10:30 AM in the Governor’s Reception Room in the main Capitol building.

>Date: 2007/03/19 Mon AM 08:53:50 CDT
>Subject: Fw: WV Legislature Addresses

Perinatal Issues
Dear Perinatal Partnerhip – 2007 – Partners: The WV State legislators are listening to YOU. Two of the ten Policy Initiatives identified by YOU during our 2006 WV Perinatal Wellness Study were addressed during the 2007 legislative session. Please thank your legislators.

1. a. Policy Initiative: To Support and Promote Breastfeeding. SB 148 was adopted and the bill ensures that breastfeeding is not considered indecent exposure. The bill was passed by both houses, was corrected after the end of the regular session due to a technical problem, and passed again on Sunday March 18th. The Governor is expected to sign the bill soon.

1. b. FUNDING For Lactation Training! To support and promote breastfeeding in WV, the State legislature awarded $20,000 for a week long training program for hospital nurses (and other professionals) on lactation education. The funds were designated in the Women, Infants and Childrens (WIC) budget. Thanks to Cinny Kittle and the Perinatal Partnership – 2007 Committee to Support and Promote Breastfeeding for helping to educate legislators about the need for training!

2. Expanding tests for newborn infants, HB 2583, passed. Currently, West Virginia only screens newborn babies for 4 diseases. HB 2583 expands newborn screening to all twenty-nine screenings recommended by the March of Dimes and the American Academy of Pediatrics. The tests will be phased in over a two-year period. It was passed on the final day of the session.

Many of my friends are going to show support; I can’t get away from work after missing so much this week, but I’m throwing my WooHoo out into the blogosphere.

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handshake mechanics, coffee, and a book

I don’t usually have baby burn out. I have double working mom burn out, but pretty much I want to spend all my free time sitting in the floor flipping through board books and saying things like “Look at Duckling. Her mama is Duck. Look at tadpole! He grows up to be Frog. Frog jumps! Up down, up down, up down,” in a psychotic sing-song voice.

But then…

I was home 4 of 5 days this week with the Teething Demon Changeling (doctor visit yesterday; she isn’tr sick, the fever’s from the teething.) who replaced Molly. This feverish, clingy, fussy baby who can’t sleep and has to be physically touching me every single second has given me my first taste of the burn out. I turned a meeting today into Heidi Time, and snuck out of the house an hour early to go sit at the thrift store/coffee shop having alone time before I met my client. It was bliss to have dark roast with full caffeine (I almost always get half decaf out of fear that I’ll turn the nummins into Red Bull or something) and biscotti while I caught up with the girls. (I worked there for years while I finished school up until I was 5 or 6 months pregnant.) I found this gorgeous book and picked it up for the Birdie’s birthday in May. They had nothing clothes-wise for me or the baby, unfortunately.

After catch-up time with coffee and my old peeps, my client and I met to go see her sign maker. The woman who owns the shop looks exactly like Jennifer Coolidge (Stifler’s Mom) and she cracked me up. She shook my client’s hand, looked me over and declared “You can’t shake- you get a hug!” and then dove at me with her voluminous frosted hair and a giant, sweet smile and gave me a huge, serious girlfriendy, bear hug.* The meeting went well. I have to find a way to transfer my files into something their archaic, just-shy-of-an-abacus computers can read, but she was cool. Her prices are excellent, which is great for my client. She’s an artisan (stained glass loveliness) and start-up entrepreneur, so yay.

*This is interesting- the etiquette of Baby Elephant. When someone thinks to offer me their left hand to shake, I’m ecstatic and give a firm and warm shake. When people hug or kiss me on the cheek in lieu of the shake, it’s generally fine. Usually people who do that have good energy and intuit that we should be on hug terms. Once in a great while someone wants a hug and I feel very patronized or weirded by the sharing of space. A lot of the time, maybe most of the time me and my new acquaintance just smile broadly and forego handshaking or hugging or cutesy Eurokisses. The most annoying thing is when someone offers me a right hand, and I’m forced to “shake” it with my left. Obviously this doesn’t work and results in a seriously lame princess-like dainty gesture which seems like I want them to kiss my hand or something. Which I do not. It’s awkward to me, probably to the right-hand offerer too.

So if we ever meet in person, you are all officially on the hug tier of my social hierarchy, and now we don’t have to be weird.
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in the land of the mp3 lullabies

Hello Boobies? ‘Member how I was all excited reading how your magic milk would immunize Mollybird against everything from ear infections to salmonella? And how I thought you rocked so much I forgave you for being lopsided and big and kinda swingy?

Right. Well, what the fuck happened to your antibodies you slacker-ass mammaries? Why, I demand of you, has the baby caught my cold with compounded interest and has now had a fever for two days? You suck.

PS, stop leaking. The baby is sick, and she’s not that hungry, so there’s no need for a let down every time she squeaks or whimpers. I thought we had this all figured out at like 4 months.

And now back to Rockabye Baby mp3’s of Led Zeppelin, The Ramones, and Nine Inch Nails.

Oh and Trent, you suck too. Survivalism is the only listenable track you’ve made since the fucking Tapeworm stuff. I am so breaking up with you now, officially. I’ll be leaving you for Maggie Gyllenhaal’s baker character from Stranger than Fiction. And Lily Allen. (OMG Jase & Eden she’s so sassily bitchinly yummy!)

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be, bolly, ad the bood

*Edit: This post title references Me, Molly, and the Moon, my old blog.

I’b so codgested. By dose is rudding ad stobbed up ad the sabe tibe.

Help cheer me up: I’m getting a subscription to Urge, yay, and I need music recs. My current playlist is called Rasputori, combining the red headed goddess and Rasputina. I’m also digging Violent Femmes, Modest Mouse, System of a Down, NIN, KT Tunstall, Fall Out Boy, um…. Gorillaz, Franz Ferdinand, The Killers.

Based on this hodgepodge of favorites, who else do I need to hear? I’m in danger of permanently being of the not hip, (sporting a pureed vegetable splattered ‘do rag for three days now… Did I mention- so sick?) so help keep me au courant, s’il vous plait. Much obliged. Yes, my specialty is combining the almost-Southern drawl of WV with a passable French accent;)

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