daisies & demons…

was going to be the name of this blog, but I liked the rhythm of DaisyBones better. “& Demons” would have been appropriate for raising a toddler, though. (When is she officially a toddler? I feel like she started her Terrible Twos at 11 months.) Some days it’s daisies, and then there are 24 hours like this one.

Today was a hard day. A crying in the bathroom at work and in the storage room while I pumped. A bags under eyes exhausted day. The Birdy was inconsolable last night from about 11 p.m. until 2:30 a.m. and I still don’t have any idea what was wrong. She wouldn’t use a teether and wasn’t biting (for once) at the breast. She never passed any gas, she had no fever, no sick belly. When she finally crashed we repeated the insane back-arching shrieking crying fit again a couple of times until she slept through 7-9 a.m. I slept in until 9 and went in late.

I can deal with a one year old and the attending chaos, but I was having serious doubts this morning about whether Bu can . Things were palpably tense between us on the way to work and it stayed with me all day. (We’re fine now after bonding over his rum and snuggling to watch a little bit of TV.) He keeps telling me how much better he is with the 4+ crowd than babies, and I keep hoping that’s true. I know some people have “baby” dispositions. I do- I can roll with the shit splatters & ear piercing squeals, but I know it’s harder for him. It’s so fucking frustrating that I’m working out of the home while he’s here with her. We’re looking into other options but I’m terrified to jinx the very vague plans by detailing them here, not that there’s much to tell. I doubt I’ll be able to work from home full time anytime soon, but something’s got to change.

So now she’s crashed, and I’m wide awake. Beautiful.

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6 responses to “daisies & demons…

  1. Babies are hard. The hardest thing of all, in my opinion. That’s why the evolved to be cute. Otherwise, we’d want to kill them and our species would be doomed!

    Seriously, I’m feeling you, Roxy. Babies are fucking hard.

  2. sorry about the shitty day, sounds like you were really having a hard time.
    i remember my mother telling me once that the neural circuits in a childs brain don’t develop continually but periodically, whenever new things and experiences are being processed and new abilities develop, and that it’s a strain on the little ones sometimes. she said all through my childhood i had days where i was whiny, seemingly frustrated, and inconsolable, throwing a fit about some building blocks i couldn’t get stacked. usually she noticed a day later that i had acquired some new ability, like stacking my building blocks a different way so they wouldn’t topple.
    maybe what’s making her cry is not always something you can put you finger on, like teeth, or a fever, or a bloated belly. just imagine how many thousand new impressions her little baby brain has to process.
    i hope she’s better today. and i hope you are better today.

  3. I think toddlerism starts when they hit one and/or start walking, i.e., toddling.

    Mary STILL doesn’t sleep through the night, but it’s not quite this ad. Actually, were starting to think she has night hysteria. Rick’s sister did and M’ello’s got exactly the same sleep patterns. And of course, this started when she came home from the hospitalization for the seizures.

    Hang in there! I’m sending you out mad love and good energy vibes!

    ‘veeta

  4. bine’s mom was totally right — that’s what defines a growth spurt. And growth spurts are hard. HARD. Esp b/c we can’t peek into their bodies to see what’s growing (body part or developemental or teeth or… you get the drift).

    BIG HUGE HUG from one mama to another. ((((((((((((((much love))))))))))))

    PS we have to get back in touch re: our blogging ideas! LET’s DO IT!

  5. I third the growth spurt. When Viv was between 1 and 2, she would have the COMPLETELY unreasonable spazzes for hours it seems. Some of it was due to me being a freak while pregnant with her sister, but a lot of it was her brain growing and freaking her out.

    I’d just sit and sing Tori Amos songs to her and wait them out in the rocking chair. Not much else to do really.

    I hate babies. I really do. And yeah, she’s a toddler now. 🙂

  6. Thanks for the growth/development spurt advice, mamas. That’s probably it. She’s also started nursing for an hour after work instead of 5 or 10 minutes. Eating food too, a little. Crazy.

    Thor, I bet you & Bu have the same baby disposition. He hears the cries/shreiks and he thinks “OMG FUCK Kill me! Shoot my brain!” I hear it and this “Oh yay! Helpless tiny precious needs me! I get to nurture! Woohoo. I am the most important thing in the Universe!” Of course I get wornthefuckout too but it’s not the evil mind shattering thing it is to some people.

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