dear woman or girl from postsecret

I wrote this to an anonymous Post Secret contributor from last week’s batch of secrets. (This website is wonderful, if you haven’t seen it.)
When I worked at the clinic, I had to deal with you a couple of times. I was so hurt and offended and infuriated I wanted to shake you. You were adamantly, vehemently anti-choice. You condemned every single woman who chose abortion. You related this on the phone to me while I scheduled your appointment to terminate your pregnancy.

Exactly how the fuck to you reconcile this hypocrisy? Why is every other girl in the waiting room with you doing something wrong, but it’s just fine for you? How can you be faced with this choice, decide abortion is the best option for you and the potential child you carried, but refuse to waver in your blanket demonizing of women just like yourself?

I know why people take a pro-life stance- I respect the idea that the sanctity of life trumps all. (God/Goddess/Fate/The Universe/Evolution/Nature/Biophysics disagree apparently, but it’s a very pretty idea…) But I get it, I really do. I’d love if there were never another girl or woman to find herself faced with such a choice. Those days at the center were sad for me. They were days of great loss overwhelming the confusing mix of 1,000 emotions. I see why you hate the act, and hate that someone chooses it. (I don’t, of course, support legislating your personal moral judgement onto other’s but I’ve covered that over and again.) But how, how, how can you find in your life the fact of abortion, the absolute need for it, and then continue to fight to deny other women the same opportunity you took for yourself. How wonderful for you that your faith, your dogma are so easily hurled in the direction of anyone struggling to make sense of a decision that can save or ruin lives, but they fall away so quickly when put to a real test. How lovely that your own rules don’t apply when you have to deal with an unintended pregnany. It’s the most narcissistic and disgusting thing I’ve ever encountered.

This just brought up all my rage from dealing with that before and, of course, having to bite my tongue. This is an instance where, in my perception, we have sisters hurting sisters. I think that living this experience would make someone realize that obviously, obviously there are situations in which an abortion is the best course of action, but no. This girl, and the others I met, assume they’re somehow above the same “law” they’re helping to write.
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5 responses to “dear woman or girl from postsecret

  1. that’s the main thing about postsecret: it’s a virtual confessional. “reveal anything – as long as it is true and you have never shared it with anyone before”.
    she knows she’s a hypocrite, otherwise she wouldn’t have posted it.

  2. Yeah, I get that. I love that she confessed it, and I love that I vented that rage I had pent up from working in the clinic:)

    And let me just say, I’m also somewhat relived my firs tcomment to that post wasn’t someone I pissed off.

    I adore Post Secret. It’s such an amazing forum. I actually have wracked my brain trying to think of a secret I could send in & can’t think of any…lol.

  3. i love postsecret, too.
    i could think of few things to send in. but somehow i prefer lurking – there are so many amazing things sent in that i think my petty little secrets would go quite unnoticed.

  4. it’s hypocrisy on par with how the Cheny’s think it’s all swell and good for their daughter to have a child with her partner, but all other gays and lesbians and queer folk don’t deserve families or protection or any of what their power and money buy.

    that said, I think I realized in the aftermath of my abortion that I probably can’t ever have another abortion again. it hurt too much to loose that little one. especially now that Rems is here… oh, how that hurts, to know we had another little one that we couldn’t keep. though it was the right choice — wrong time, very much so — still, it hurt.

  5. Ohh, good analogy, Lex. I detest that about the Cheneys.

    I understand about your reaction to the abortion- I’m sure Remy has colored that experience retroactively. There’s a beautiful chapter on abortion in The Pagan Book of Death and Dying that you’d like. It really examines the complexity of the emotions involved, kind of guides how to mourn the loss and validate that mourning while at the same time empowering the choice to end the pregnancy.

    It’s such a loaded and confusing issue, and my work at the clinic was so instructive. I know my insights aren’t the same as if I’d ever had an abortion myself, but I feel like I can claim a particular kind of knowledge about it that many people don’t have, based on the girls and women I encountered.

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