OK, I’ll admit I installed a site tracker not so I could take charge of my traffic and build a better blog, but so that I could make funny posts addressing peeps who landed here after googling something quirky. Finally, the time has come.
Dear “are wiccans crazy”:
Often, yes- but not any crazier than monotheistic crazies. And we out our own nutcases spectacularly.
Dear “clair danes nipple”:
I’m sure you’re disappointed. If you find that hot nude photo, do come back and share.
Dear “how to grow big cantaloupe”:
Bwahahaha! Feed your baby every 1.5 hours all night long for week, and then find that she slept through the night. Wake up: presto! Big cantaloupe. Two of them, even.
Dear “show me the simble of the pirate bones”:
It’s a symbol. And OMG could you die? This skirt is so sassy it makes me want to get lipo, although, for the record, I’m philosophically opposed.
Dear “toddler biting attachment parenting“:
Good luck. It sucks, I know. Try Dr. Sear’s suggestion for holding their arm gently but firmly against their little demon teeth so they know they can hurt.
Dear “can you be a fingertip dilated and go into labor?“:
Yep. You can even stay that way halfway through labor so the midwives have to inflict unspeakable torture upon your cervix. But that won’t happen to you; I have freakydeaky girl parts. Hope your labor is healthy and quick and empowering.