So I unveiled a Genius Plan for gently tweaking Molly’s eating patterns. It dawned on me that she sleeps through with one waking for a sippy when she spends the night at the grandies’, so I’m recruiting them for back-to-back sleepovers this weekend. (Yes, this is making a daring assumption that I can stand two nights away. I may crash on their couch Saturday night.) We’ll try to get her to take water in the sippy. The point of this exercise is to get her to wake up hungry and eat/nurse through the day. I’m hoping a couple of nights will nudge her toward a new pattern. I’m also going to try the sippy for one of the night nurseys this week and maybe sneak out of her room after each nursing session.
I’m a little emotional about the whole deal, worried this influence could cause her to wean totally. I don’t think it will, though. My instincts just really tell me she’ll eat better if I can get her nursing schedule flipped right side up. I did have a few moments of anxiety about it when Papaw suggested that could get a shot to dry up my milk. Apparently they don’t do this anymore, but that’s beside the point. I told him a little defensively that this doesn’t mean I’m weaning her completely or that my plans have changed.
So now that I’ve announced plans to night wean I’m having conflicting thoughts. Of course I am; it’s my fucking job in this life, right? I’ll just see how she does. The plan may well backfire; lots of time she’ll nurse more after a night away. If I can get her to get that out of her system during the day it might be OK. And a part of me wants it to backfire.
Fuck. I have a whole different post than I started with. It was going to be “Yay me; for I have made a decision on my own (after fruitless research into reverse cycling toddlers) and am owning that. Now it’s the same old insecure push|pull of worries. I feel this pressure to fatten her up before her check up at the end of the month. But why? She’s healthy and making developmental milestones just fine.
Now I’ve come full circle and think she’s fine and I should just do what feels right. Except that changes within one single blog post. Valium, anyone? Anyone? Maybe I should call our nurse/LC. I’m really disappointed my posts at the local & LJ breastfeeding communities didn’t yeild any help.