grandma

I’m really raw and scattered and all over the place. So. 

Aunt Pea just called to tell me they took Grandma straight to the nursing home from the hospital. An ambulance moved her apparently. I’m confused; the plan was to take her tomorrow.

Pea is hysterical but didn’t want to talk. I’m upset too… I called and Bu is on his way home from smoky garage band beer fest.

I didn’t expect Aunt Pea to fall apart, I guess. But it really sucks. I feel like we have all failed her and I can’t stop thinking how alone she must feel and how disoriented. Last night the Birdy and I went to see her and she thought she was at home. She told me about my mom seeing her the previous day and what they had fixed for dinner. I corrected her because someone told me that was a better plan than just humoring her. That seems cruel? Condescending. But it is not fun to remind her her daughter, my mama, is dead and that her brain is broken and that she isn’t home in familiar comforting surroundings.

I was going to try to take off work tomorrow but I can’t. Too much prep for the gala. But we can spend the evening with her.

I hope she isn’t angry, but I’d rather see her pissed at us than sad.

This all drug out forever, and she fell 100 times and all I wanted was a safe place for her. Now it seems like it smacked us in the face and we weren’t ready.  

Pea was crying so hard I thought Grandma had died suddenly.

Molly says Dahn-Dah for  Grandma. Sounds identical to her “Dharma Dog.”

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8 responses to “grandma

  1. IMO, you say what is best for her. If she thinks JFK is in office, let her. If she says someone who’s passed away came to see her, ask her about the visit. If it were me, I would rather live my days not being agitated and feeling that I knew what was happening around me than having people talk to me and treat me like an idiot. What she says & believes is true, to her. Do what feels right.

    Are there things you can bring for her that will make her feel at home? Photos, blankets, music, etc.?

  2. That’s the intuitive thing, definitely, Eden. Make her happy. Someone- a nurse? Doc? said that it will help her stay sharper longer if we remind her what’s what. The pain medication is also amplifying her dementia a lot.

    We’ll be getting things from the house for sure. Want to make it as comfy and familiar as possible. Pretty pissed that the hospital (I guess?) just chucked her out there without us prepping her room and her. I’m calling Pea now to see if she’s up & better & to get details.

  3. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this, you and your family. I will be thinking about your grandmother and you all…it’s never easy to know what is best or how to handle what’s been thrown at you.

  4. This sucks. I hate that it is happening to your beloved grandma. I hate that it is hurting you all so much. I hate this disease!

    I have to say, I think Eden’s intuitive sense is correct. I mean, really? Do they think your grandma is going to stave off this disease by being reminded her daughter is dead? No, she’s confused, and she’ll be confused. And this disease SUCKS because that is what it does.

    And it sucks that she hurts you with her confusion.

    (((((((((((((((((((((((much love))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

  5. I remember reading that it’s supposed to be better to correct them, but I have to agree with alexisyael and Eden here. I have memory problems, and can tell you from experience that it’s *extremely* frustrating to be told over and over again that something didn’t happen the way I remember it, or didn’t happen at all.

  6. ZLexie and Teresa, you guys make a good argument. I feel like correcting her when I’m “Laura” but when it’s about my mom it hurts less to let her think she’s around still.

    And good god do I wish she were. When we have Grandma issues I miss mom so much.

  7. no advice. just hugs and gummi bears.

  8. Ciaran calls Grandad – Dan-Dad. Very cute! And Nanny is Granny.

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