raw

I feel kind of worn out from being naked and introspective. Dredging up sex memories and remembering my mom and creating art for public show for the first time since the baby I feel very, very much like an exposed nerve ending.

I also feel like my little indulgent world of self here is feeling like a truer more solid expression. I care more about this blog than any other project, connected so much as it is to my collection of spiral-bound notebooks and pretty gift journals that have stopped completely at this point. The idea of readers is overwhelming and terrifying and incredibly, amazingly beautiful. The network and collaboration of writing and linking and thought is extraordinary. Writing for only me in my book has vanished- in there I am now writing to Molly. I’m surprised to find that I don’t feel a loss about my books. I need to return to them, but they will be something entirely different now. Artist’s books… or god I will write a novel or something.
something.

My mind is a picture of Pandora’s box and I can’t sleep yet.

_________________________

This time 32 years ago was she in labor yet?
How long was her labor?
How difficult?
Why didn’t I ever ask to hear my own birth story?

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4 responses to “raw

  1. I haven’t kept a paper journal in a long time…even a journal to Ciaran has gone out the window, although I’d like to actually DO one at some point.

    Something about having readers makes an online journal more substantial to me. Keeping a written journal always seemed so silly and overly introspective – I already knew what I felt, so why write it down for myself?!

  2. I wish you the happiest of birthdays, love.

    I love what you’re writing and feeling so much inspiration from you, thank you!

  3. Sioneva,
    I always had a deep, real need to write- to frame and capture things in words. My experiences aren’t real to me until I do that. So the journal were always a need, maybe more than a choice.

    It seems the blog has stepped into the place and now I need this. Maybe even more, because of the interactivity and feedback and all. It’s cool thing… I feel like
    I’m growing into it in a way now.

  4. Thank you, sweet Melissa! xoxo:)

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