a list of aesthetic sins, in my worldview

  • Neatly trimmed forsythia bushes. They should be wild and wavy.
  • P0rn star pubic hair grooming. For similar reasons.
  • Stripey highlights
  • Fake flowers
  • Patterned, ornate silverware. I like simple and heavy flatwear.
  • Papyrus, Comic Sans, and Monotype Corsiva
  • Men’s T-shirts on my body
  • Tapered leg pants
  • Mullets
  • Military hair cuts
  • American Flags. Most flags, actually.
  • Pierced ears on small babies
  • Those dumb ass girly baby headbands that look like cheesy cheap wedding garter belts
  • Bubble gum pink
  • Vinyl siding
  • Fake wood paneling
  • Fake wood anything
  • The panties I’m wearing
  • Tribal tattoos that don’t mean anything
  • Most tattoos chosen from flash tacked to the walls of the shop
  • Red hair with my complexion, but I didn’t used to get that
  • Chain link fences
  • White picket fences
  • White boring walls in my house
  • Caucasian Jesus
  • Geometric, flat color minimalism
  • These goddamn orange fucking dots.

6 responses to “a list of aesthetic sins, in my worldview

  1. souster’s additions to this list:
    – horizontal stripes on anyone over the age of 10.
    -eyebrow piercings
    -super dark lip liner and sheer/nude gloss or lipstick
    -99% of all nail art
    -black roots/blonde hair
    -my half-finished tattoo
    -midriff tops and serious muffintop
    -those goth pants with the huge legs and 3,000 non-functional zippers/pullies whatever
    -souster’s orange dots πŸ™‚

  2. Oh, my souster mine, you are so old. Those pants aren’t goth; they’re emo! lol

    (Zing zing for the hatin’ on my dots! Yeah, they are bad. But I gots shit to do, yo!)

  3. -eyebrows that are plucked into oblivion or plucked in a funky, unflattering shape (i.e., the dreaded comma brow, or the brow of eternal surprise)

    -pimples that need popped…i know GROSS

    -unfinished crossword puzzles ( i guess that’s genetic)

    -camel toe on either sex

    -“grills” I’m sorry, but i like teeth to be, well, teeth

    -unmade beds ( no mine isn’t always made, but i try)

    -my mom’s house

  4. oh noes! souster hates my emo pants!!!

    Um, I’m going to do mine if we get a nap today (highly unlikely, but possible… we’re going to the beach).

  5. lexie –
    sorry, i’m sure at some time i wore equally unattractive/non-functional clothing as the *emo* (excuse the fuck out of me souster h πŸ™‚ ) pants but the pants just make me cringe…
    when i was a teenage/college miscreant such pants would have made completely impossible quick escapes from various acts of malfeasance. the kids i see wearing ’em, can barely cross the street without tripping up on their hem, much less anything that i was up to at their age
    (where the fuck is my walker???)

    crotchety old fart rant complete

  6. Thank god you realized about the motherfucking dots!

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