Category Archives: recipes

un-meat

Overheard last night chez DaisyBones: *Achoo!* “Don’t sneeze in mommy’s gluten!”

To make gluten “meat” from regular whole wheat flour, you mix up dough with cold water and about 4 cups of flour. Knead it for 15 minutes-ish, maybe less. Mine was a little chewier than I’d like.

Put it in a bowl and cover with cold water. Let sit 45-60 minutes.

Knead it under the water. The starches will come out and make it cloudy. Replace water, repeat until insane. I never did get my water clear but mine was OK. When it’s good and rubbery, pick of little pieces and drop into a big pan of boiling veggie broth with splashes of soy sauce and steak sauce added. Simmer about 20 or 30 minutes. If you wantto, pull out the gluten meat with a slotted spoon and add flour and whisk into the broth until gravy consistency.

Serve with instant mashed potatoes so that, like me, you can have a good laugh at yourself for making homemade faux meat but slacking on the potatoes but at least you fulfilled your craving for meat and potatoes with gravy.

Meat eating readers? Don’t laugh too hard. It really is edible;)

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“fuck football; it’s all about teh snackage” superbowl sunday broccoli cheese poofy things

An invention!

Ingredients:

1 head fresh broccoli
3 cups self –rising flour
1 tsp salt
1 cup milk
1 large egg
2 oz (1/2 stick butter, softened)
1 ½- 2 cups shredded cheeses (I used cheddar & Monterey jack)

Creation:

Heat oven to 400 degrees (Fahrenheit, obvy)

Steam broccoli, or prepare as indicated on package. Cool, chop to bits or process in blendy thing or choppy thing. Or don’t cool and hurt yourself a tiny bit, depending on what time the party starts and how later your toddler went down for her nap.

Dump flour and salt in large mixing bowl.

Separately, whisk egg and milk.

Add butter and cheese to flour bowl, mix with hands until crumbly and well-mixed. Add chopped broccoli and mix in.

Fold in egg stuff carefully. Be gentle and fluffiness shall be your reward.

Form balls, roughly golf-ball size. Wonder if you should flour your hands or suggest that to your blog readers. Shrug and deal with teh sticky.  Drop them an inch or two apart on well-greased cookie sheets. Curse yourself for forgetting garlic. Garlic woulda been rockin’ in  these babies. Damn. Breathe deeply, say “whatev” and move on*.

Bake 20 minutes or until golden brown.

Makes fortyish poofs.

*Do add some garlic or something. These are yummy but would be drool-worthy with some spice:)

really yum potato soup

My recipe book reads kind of like a journal. Or a lab report.  There’ll be an original recipe then there are my notes and slashings through (and also dried, caked on splatters.) This is sometimes because I need math reminders when I half a veg recipe Bu won’t eat. Usually there are substitutions for cheaper, less exotic spices:) And occasionally I just want to feel adventurous and can’t bear to follow a recipe perfectly.

I have perfected a Potato Soup Experiment. Let me show you. The original recipe is here, for reference. My version is this:

  • 5 small potatoes, peeled & diced
  • some margarine, butter, vegan stuff
  • 1 medium white onion, chopped
  • 2 cups veggie broth
  • garlic powder and minced garlic (b/c I dumped the powder in, then found the minced stuff. Use as you will. Lots is good.)
  • chives- a whole buncha
  • 2 cups of milk mixed with 2 tbs all-purpose flour
  • 1 cup instant mashed potatoes. (always a staple for teh Birdy, seemed easier than blending*.)

In a 2 quart saucepan, cook the onions in some butter until soft.
Add the potatoes and the broth. Simmer on medium until reduced by half-ish and potatoes are soft.
Stir in the milk/flour stuff. Add spices and simmer a bit.
Stir or whisk in the instant potatoes. Salt & pepper to taste. Yum.

*The original version tells you to puree half of the soup then add back in. This is how I make my black bean soup thick. I saw a groovy tip on TV: if you’re blending hot stuff, take the middle part of the lid off of your blender and put a rag over it. Then the heat won’t explode your stuff.

spicy pirate smoothie

Into Ye Blenderrrr:

1 banana, minus two toddler bites
about 8 oz orange juice
about 4 oz apple juice
handful of icecubes
shot of spiced rum

Blend until smooth. Pour into a glass, and top the frothy goodness with cinnamon.

***

Why I love Bu:

-Honey! Come down here! It’s Drink Like A Pirate Day!
-What?
-Drink Like A Pirate Day! (Giggles.)
-You made that up.
-Yup.
-OK, I’m in! Pour the rum!

***

Your favorite rum drink recipe?

patriotism…

makes me uncomfortable-Like when I go to the LDS church with the grandies, or when people make gaybashing jokes in my present assuming I’m a hetero in on the joke. When people pledge allegiance to the flag it reminds me of old grainy videos of Hitler. I’m not comparing American patriotism to Naziism, necessarily… though on occasion there are disturbing parallels.

It’s just that identifying with this abstract thing of a nation and feeling some belonging to it eludes me. I don’t have American pride. I was just born here: so? I do have a little protective pride in Appalachia, even as I occasionally deride some of the aspects of living here. But home is real and tangible. The country is an idea, a set of laws, a system… and I’ve been dissillusioned with it- as a whole- for as long as I can remember.

Maybe part of it is just a general distaste for being a “joiner.” Group mentality escapes me usually. Not to an anti-social degree, just I don’t know… is it that it seems to be human nature to expect/demand a degree of conformity and herd mentality within any group?

I’m looking out where Americana threw up all over my neighborhood, and I just feel distant from the hype of the day, like I always do. I just don’t care, and it’s not some active anger or cynicism, it’s just the the concept of My Nation illicits no emotional response. Intellectually, I’m there, I’m trying to engage. Have tried to be active and responsible, and have done work a little bit. I don’t feel informed or aware right now, though.

It’s feeling like a chore at the moment. Sorting through information on the presidential candidates is overwhelming, and I feel like I’m out of the loop. I’ve been very myopic, living my small routine and growing a family like a careful garden. It’s frustrating. Dennis Kucinich is my guy; he’s the man. But he’s fringy, not electable. I’ve loved Hillary like an idol in the past, and then haven’t followed her senate career. John & Elizabeth Edwards have both impressed me recently. I even have a soft fuzzy reaction to Rudy Guliani, probably because he’s hot and a little bit pro-choice. Meh, not voting for a cute Republican.

OK, so today is for me a day off to spend with family. And I celebrate with amazing pasta salad. A recipe for you:

Roxy’s Rockin’ Pasta Salad Recipe
Stolen From Sweet Soccer Mama at Birthday Party:

16 oz package of pasta shells
8 oz Ranch dressing
1/4 cup McCormick Salad Supreme Seasoning
1 head broccolli, florets only
1 red bell pepper
1 green bell pepper
1 yellow bell pepper
1 package grape tomatoes

Boil pasta per package instructions. Chop veggies. Drain, rinse pasta in cool water. Drain well. Mix up veggies and pasta, stir in ranch dressing and seasoning. Chill 4 hours.

Makes a bunch. I use my biggest glass mixing bowl to prepare and serve.

valium in a cup

The best hot toddy I’ve made in a long time:

2 Tension Tamer tea bags
3/4 mug boiling water
1 shot of your favorite spiced rum- I used Captain Morgan’s Tattoo
roughly a liter of honey;)

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